70th Birthday Jokes

Some Great 70th Birthday Jokes ...

If you just got here from Rogers 80th Birthday Page he's no better at 70



Roger and His Mates 

On his 70th Birthday Roger was having a beer with some of his best mates; a few like mined naughty old pensioners  …

 

Roger told them, “They had a new machine delivered to the gym today and I spent half an hour using it.”

 

His mates looked on doubtfully and said, “Really, what does it do?”

 


“Well, it did everything,

but I just chose a kit-kat, mars bar and a packet of cheese and onion crisps.”


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Roger's Adventures - How to Call the Police!

Roger Waters of Mississippi, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he left the light on the new garden shed, which she could see from the bathroom window.

 

Roger opened the back door to turn off the lights, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

 

He phoned the police, who asked, “Is someone in your house?”

 

And he said  ”No, they are in the shed.”

 

Then the police said that all the patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock is door and an officer would be a long when available.

 

Roger said, ”Okay.” He hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

 

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed… Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because of just shot them.” Then he hung up.

 

Within five minutes, three police cars, an armed response unit and an ambulance showed up at the Waters residents and caught the burglars red-handed.

 

One of the patrolman said to Roger: “I thought you said that you to shop them?”

Roger replied,” I thought you said there was nobody available!”

 

The moral of this story – don’t underestimate old people!!


Better Than a Flu Shot

Miss Beatrice, the church organist was in her 80s and had never been married.

 

She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

 

One afternoon, the Pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting-room.

 

She invited him to have a see while she prepared tea….

 

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it.

 

The ball was filled with water and the water floated, of all things, a condom!

 

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

 

The Pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but it soon got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

 

“Miss Beatrice”, he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” Pointing to the bowl.

 

“Oh, yes,” she replied,” isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground, I read the directions and it said, to place it on the organ, keep it where it and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

 

Do you know, I haven’t had the flu all winter?”


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